What is the real definition of a friend. Is it a family member, someone you have met throughout life, or do we regard our casual acquaintances as friends?
Maybe my family members are my friends, or am I my only friend?.... What a loaded question. If I am my friend why to I shame myself, create misery inside of my heart from destructive behaviors and thoughts.
If my acquaintances are my friends why to the throw you to the wolves the first chance they get. If our families are our friends then why are they placed in out lives as... family? If our "friends" really uphold their title why does so much pain and devastation come from having them? Is it worth the pain and suffering to maintain a friendship? Maybe our families are our life long friends and the people we meet and refer to as friends are only here for a reason or a season. Or, should we just live within our own skin and try to find the happiness that dwells within us all?
The harsh truth of it all is that we are biologically designed to be social creatures. Therefore, we need companionship. We slide on a double edged sword everyday of our lives. If we seclude ourselves we will wither inside. We become depressed, socially secluded, and well... plainly put ... ill. On the other side if we put ourselves out there we are vulnerable to the hurt and devastation our loved ones bestow upon us.
~sigh~
... and so continues the continuous circle ... the merry go round of life!
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Monday, August 15, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Spiritual Perception
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Journal entry:
I woke up this morning not feeling anything special. I tried to enjoy a cup of coffee and watch a little TV before I had to go to work. There is an empty feeling that I have had so many times before and it seems to be creeping back into my mind and heart. The past year and a half has been so traumatic I haven’t had much time to realize that it was still lingering. What is it?! I can’t figure it out. Nevertheless I continued on with my morning. I got ready for work and headed out the door. On the way I decided to stop and get a grill cheese from the little bagel shop just down the road. I have never been in there before but I was hungry and it would be 5 hours before I got off work. I walked in to find a cozy little bakery nothing special just full of seemingly humble people enjoying a Saturday morning treat. The owner of the store took my order. He asked me what I wanted and I told him I heard he made a great grill cheese. He seemed pleased to hear that his little store was giving out good reviews among the area residents. He took my order and made small conversation with me, rang me up and started making my sandwich. I looked around and found an empty seat to wait. As I was sitting in the small space there was an elderly gentleman finishing his breakfast. He paid the waitress, received his change and made a small joke with her. As he turned to get up, which was quite a difficult feat for this gentleman he looked over at me. I gave an empathetic glance and small smile. He looked again in my direction for a moment and says to me “has anyone ever told you, you have the most beautiful brown eyes?” Seeing as I have blue eyes I can’t say I have ever heard that before. I humored him and said “no I can’t say anyone has ever told me that before” He smiled gave a small chuckle and said “well since they are blue you wouldn’t have heard that, but you have beautiful blue eyes” I laughed and said thank you very much. He began to throw a few one liner jokes my way so I smiled and laughed at his jokes. He tried to get up to leave again and looked at me and said “your smile really brightens a room, do you know that” I said “thank you very much” he proceeded to get up which took him quite some time. As he got up he looked at me with sincerity in his eyes and said “take care of that smile” I assured him I would, as he turned away and I noticed there was writing on the back of his jacket. It was worn, faded and impossible to read. The only thing I could make out at the very top was “God answers prayers”. I felt a sensation of comfort wash over me and I reflected on my morning and that empty feeling I had. For a moment in time it seemed to be filled. Is the emptiness I feel my lack of experiences with God and his children? If so where do I go from here? I can’t say “where do I start” because I have been seeking God the majority of my life. What is it that I need to do or seek out? I don’t know where else to look, I guess if “God answers prayers” I need to start praying…
Journal entry:
I woke up this morning not feeling anything special. I tried to enjoy a cup of coffee and watch a little TV before I had to go to work. There is an empty feeling that I have had so many times before and it seems to be creeping back into my mind and heart. The past year and a half has been so traumatic I haven’t had much time to realize that it was still lingering. What is it?! I can’t figure it out. Nevertheless I continued on with my morning. I got ready for work and headed out the door. On the way I decided to stop and get a grill cheese from the little bagel shop just down the road. I have never been in there before but I was hungry and it would be 5 hours before I got off work. I walked in to find a cozy little bakery nothing special just full of seemingly humble people enjoying a Saturday morning treat. The owner of the store took my order. He asked me what I wanted and I told him I heard he made a great grill cheese. He seemed pleased to hear that his little store was giving out good reviews among the area residents. He took my order and made small conversation with me, rang me up and started making my sandwich. I looked around and found an empty seat to wait. As I was sitting in the small space there was an elderly gentleman finishing his breakfast. He paid the waitress, received his change and made a small joke with her. As he turned to get up, which was quite a difficult feat for this gentleman he looked over at me. I gave an empathetic glance and small smile. He looked again in my direction for a moment and says to me “has anyone ever told you, you have the most beautiful brown eyes?” Seeing as I have blue eyes I can’t say I have ever heard that before. I humored him and said “no I can’t say anyone has ever told me that before” He smiled gave a small chuckle and said “well since they are blue you wouldn’t have heard that, but you have beautiful blue eyes” I laughed and said thank you very much. He began to throw a few one liner jokes my way so I smiled and laughed at his jokes. He tried to get up to leave again and looked at me and said “your smile really brightens a room, do you know that” I said “thank you very much” he proceeded to get up which took him quite some time. As he got up he looked at me with sincerity in his eyes and said “take care of that smile” I assured him I would, as he turned away and I noticed there was writing on the back of his jacket. It was worn, faded and impossible to read. The only thing I could make out at the very top was “God answers prayers”. I felt a sensation of comfort wash over me and I reflected on my morning and that empty feeling I had. For a moment in time it seemed to be filled. Is the emptiness I feel my lack of experiences with God and his children? If so where do I go from here? I can’t say “where do I start” because I have been seeking God the majority of my life. What is it that I need to do or seek out? I don’t know where else to look, I guess if “God answers prayers” I need to start praying…
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